*sigh* A part of me wishes I could be that guy if only I tried. But the defeatist in me tells me that there's no point to do so. I mean, even if it did happen, what can I do- being the sorry state I am in? Sure, I could turn my life around in the right direction. Get a job, earn and save some money, fix my life in general. And then? Who knows the possibility of her falling for another guy? Sure, LDRs are really hard to maintain, but for two people who have clearly no clue in each other personally, that's a ticket to failure.
Well, one could say that at least I changed for the better. I wish it did, but I don't want to experience feeling alone and hurt again. I wish I could at least let my optimistic side win this time, but realistically speaking, I can't even help myself. It'll take me at least a couple of years just to get my shit straight.
I could really try if I wanted to. But I know, somehow, deep in myself that I'm not worthy of someone like her. I could try to be that guy, but it'll never tantamount to what she prefers. If by some time passes and I still didn't do a thing, I hope, I just hope that some other lucky guy gives her what she really deserves. Care for her at all times, understands her even at the hardest times, makes her happy for every little thing that he do for her, loves her unconditionally for what she is and what she is not.
And doesn't make her cry for what reason and whoever is at fault. Nobody deserves to be sad. Not her, at least.
As of this writing, I'm still hesitant to raise my white flag. Who knows, just this one time, I might be able to do something right.
Or not.
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